I'm Giving Up on Becoming 'My Best Self'
And fully embracing my most authentic self, instead.
The concept of the “best self” has gone rampant over the last few years.
“How would your best self show up?”
“Start showing up as your best self.”
And don’t get me wrong, at the end of the day ~ I know that I get to define what “my best self” means.
But, everything that’s been shoved down my throat for the last few years had a picture painted of what “she” would be.
Always put together.
Never skips a yoga practice.
Always eats healthy.
Goes to bed before 10pm.
Doesn’t smoke weed.
Very rarely drinks.
Never gossips.
“Is spiritual” (don’t get me started on the whole ‘spiritual aesthetic’ thing because wtf does “is spiritual” EVEN MEAN).
I decided to ask Chat GPT, “what is the picture of a person that the internet paints when they push the ideology of ‘the best self’?” And the response is just… mic drop.
Trust me: I see the value and I understand the well intentions behind this ideology of telling people to “show up as their best self” but MY GOD is it draining.
I’m not a robot.
I am a human.
I’m not going to be “my best self” every day.
I literally can’t show up as “my best self” every day. I'm a woman on a 28-day cycle, and out of those, I’m lucky if get 10-14 days with the hormones that actually support this perfected idea of the 'best self.'
One of my favorite things about being human is the human experience. The up’s and the downs. The highs and the lows. The spring and summer seasons of my life but also the autumn and winter seasons of my life.
I’m tapping out of the journey to becoming my best self because it is anti-human. I don’t wish to participate in a rhetoric that perpetuates an effort to achieve an unrealistic end goal.
Instead, I’m embracing my most authentic self. Which is (ironically) also my best self. But not this cookie cutter picture of a perfect woman that the ideology of “the best self” that the internet has painted. That picture left me feeling like I was broken, like I needed to be fixed, like there was something wrong with me.
The only thing that was wrong with me was that I was trying to aspire to become someone that I’m not.
While I do believe in personal development and I am on a spiritual/soul growth journey (essentially meaning: I'm not foregoing growth altogether) I want to participate in the growth that is authentic to me and aligned with the life that I want: not the life that social media is pushing on me.
My most authentic self has bad days.
My most authentic self would never feel comfortable going to the gym in white leggings.
My most authentic self is probably going to be a few minutes late to any function.
My most authentic self is not a minimalist, whatsoever.
My most authentic self has goals and dreams but she isn’t a productivity machine and she can’t force herself to produce just for productivity’s sake (she tried, and it took years to bounce back from that burn out).
My most authentic self has made messy decisions in the heat of passions that didn’t make sense but made her feel alive.
My most authentic self literally always has at least one clean load of laundry that needs to be put away.
My most authentic self sets boundaries and then feels guilty about them.
My most authentic self is turned on by honesty, presence, and depth ~ but also by chiseled abs and jawlines.
My most authentic self hates kale and spinach in her smoothies (please keep your green juice far away from me).
On that note: my most authentic self hates kale, in general.
My most authentic self is sexual and sensual and she embraces that side of herself unafraid of what others may think of her.
My most authentic self has been working on her rejection wound for years but it still gets triggered, and that’s okay.
My most authentic self wants love, softness, and magic ~ but also needs space, solitude, and silence.
My most authentic self changes her mind, often.
My most authentic self doesn’t really drink much water ~ but she is consistently hydrated with coconut water, raw milk and herbal teas.
My most authentic self rebukes monotone cream tones and embraces COLOR.
Speaking of color my most authentic self loves a bold, expressive manicure.
My most authentic self loves a matcha but lives for an affogato.
My most authentic self doesn’t have a 5-year plan ~ she has a vision and a whole lot of trust.
My most authentic self eats bread, pasta and doesn’t skip dessert.
My most authentic self doesn’t like alcohol but enjoys a sporadic puff of the magic dragon.
My most authentic self has questioned everything she was taught ~ and still does.
LIKE CLOCKWORK, my most authentic self spirals on day 26 of her cycle, then feels fine two days later as she laughs about it.
My most authentic self is a contradiction, a cookie cutter of no one, aligned with what she wants and not looking to achieve someone else’s aesthetic.
But most importantly: my most authentic self is done trying to achieve someone else’s ideology of perfect, because she knows she never will be.