I Used to Think Geese Were Assholes
Until one shifted my reality, and my capacity for emotional depth and growth, forever
When I was 19 (circa 2007/08) I worked at the largest BMW dealership in New York. I was also the textbook example of your average south shore of Long Island chick.
For context: Billy Joel once famously said, “either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore.” Further context, just for fun: I also wanted to be rich like the girls from the North Shore.
I worked in the BDC (business development center) on the service side. I got paid a base pay of nearly $20/hour, they fully matched my 401k, I had an amazing health benefits plan and I made commission on top of all that.
One thing about 2007 Jackie was that she was a hustler.
One thing 2007 Jackie and 2025 Jackie have in common: we both have a sexy phone voice… and my job was a phone gig.
My bonuses averaged $750-1,250 a week. (Reminder: this was 2007! Minimum wage was $5.15 an hour! I could fill my gas tank up for around $20!)
Naturally, I thought I was hot shit (high-key I kind of was though).
I started working the 12p-9p shift (which was literally perfect for a 19 year old with cash to burn) and I’d always stop for a large iced coffee on my way in at noon.
Most of the dealership worked much earlier shifts than me so by the time I’d get to work, I’d have to park in the “upper” parking lot (essentially a gravel field above and behind the dealership).
I’d have to walk down about 75 stairs from the upper parking lot down to the dealership. In heels, naturally. With my giant coffee. Often in a pencil skirt. (I literally ate. up. that role.)
I know what you’re thinking: what the fuck does this have to do with geese? I’m setting a scene here, let me live.
One spring, late morning, I pull up to work, park my little silver 5 speed Honda coupe, music blasting with my $1,500 sound system rattling my trunk away, cut my keys, step my 6 inch heels out of the door (yes, I can push a clutch in heels ~ it’s not just my voice that’s sexy), grab my giant iced coffee, step out of the car and “HHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSSS”!!!!!
A fucking goose with its wings wide open is charging at me HISSSSIIIIING!!! Reminder: this is a GRAVEL parking lot!!! I’m in heels!!!
Not only does this goose charge at me, he starts flying to attack me.
He had his belly pressed against the back of my head and his wings flapping in my face when one of the mechanics came to my rescue and got him off of me.
(I would like to, proudly, note that not a drop of my giant iced coffee was spilled that day and I never lost my footing.)
APPARENTLY, some geese had made a nest in the upper parking lot and they were taking it personally that we were parking too close to their nest.
When I got into the office I noticed that Diane (the other platinum blonde in the office) wasn’t in.
She had also been attacked by the geese in the parking lot only she didn’t have a mechanic come to her aid in the moments of contact and the goose finished the job.
He pecked at her head, drawing blood and resulting in a need for stitches.
Diane and I were the only two blondes in the (massive) building. And we were the only two who had gotten attacked by the geese.
It appeared that these geese had it out for blondes and as such, all geese became assholes to me.
If they don’t like me? I don’t like them!
It was easy to write off geese and have a strong disdain for them.
I had never particularly liked them.
When I was in elementary school I used to peeve the days we had gym glass in the field because geese would shit all over the field and it was nearly impossible to avoid.
I would often forego whatever physical activity the teacher was meant to be leading us through for my own physical activity: try to make it through the whole class without stepping in a piece of goose shit.
It’s not even like they leave piles, which could be tolerable ~ easier to avoid. They leave little 2-3 inch pieces fucking everywhere.
Over the next few years the geese along Long Island would have their nests, hatch their babies and everyone would comment on how cute they were.
I had only one remark when it came to geese, “fuck geese”.
Actually, I lied, I had another remark: “geese are assholes”.
Until 2020. The year of COVID.
I mentioned in My Spiritual Awakening Part Two: #SummerOfJackie that I was spending a lot of time outside, how I inadvertently had adopted a family of squirrels (they remained outside ~ I didn’t adopt adopt them), that I was getting visited by friendly little visitors and messengers (dragon flies, praying mantis’, cardinals) and how I was generally just feeling more and more connected to nature and the earth.
And then, it happened.
I was driving along the Meadowbrook parkway (which is the parkway on the south shore that leads to Ocean Parkway and the beaches of Long Island).
Along this parkway there is sometimes a grass divider or even a bit of trees in some places that separate the traffic going both ways. In some instances there is about 50-100 feet wide of grassy land with bushes and/or forest-y type of land with heaps of trees.
The “perfect place” for geese to lay their nests.
I was in the left lane (the fast lane, naturally) with my windows open ~ enjoying the warm summer weather.
The car in front of me jams on its brakes, slowing down from about 65-70 to about 35-40. And then I saw it.
A goose standing along the side of the road, wings open, beak facing the sky, mouth wide open and wailing in pain.
Not physical pain, emotional pain.
I couldn’t tell how many of the baby geese had stepped into traffic but it was definitely more than one. I won’t get too much more graphic.
Five years later and I remember that goose grieving the loss of it’s babies like it was yesterday.
The goose-grief that brought me back down to earth. That humanized animals for me.
That goose killed a piece of my ego that day.
We’ve likely all seen the below image:
For me it was more like:
And although the above imagery is a joke and I enjoy a good laugh here and there.. witnessing that goose in its pain, in its loss, in its grief shifted something massive in me.
I no longer thought “fuck geese”, I thought “what have we done that these geese who are native to this island have to raise their babies in the patch of grass in between lanes of fast moving traffic on a highway”? Why is the side of the highway the “perfect place” for geese?
I no longer viewed myself as a human, above these animals, but rather a human: cohabitating earth with them. And as a human, part of the race that has been destroying our ecosystem for the animals and humans alike.
Our modern, human lifestyles are so convenient for us but what about them?
I also viewed humans differently from that point on, as well. My empathy grew that day the way the Grinches heart grew when he realized that stealing the presents didn’t ruin the Whos’ Christmas and that he couldn’t steal their joy.
This shift in my mentality would lead to me (almost ironically) un-veganing within the next year as well as to so many other physical shifts in my life/lifestyle so don’t forget to subscribe for more of my tales from the heart.💕